When Your Picture of Your Daddy Has Been Twisted - Cinda's Story

I first met Cinda (not her real name) in the apartment building laundry room. I learned quickly that she lived with her boyfriend, Nick, and was taking classes at the University of Cincinnati. My wife, Heidi, and I got to know Cinda and Nick over the next couple years, hanging out with them at the apartment-building pool, playing cards, and just sitting around chatting.

When we began an investigative study of the Bible, Nick responded quickly. I had the opportunity of helping him accept Jesus as his Savior and Lord and I baptized him in the chilly waters of our pool early one Sunday morning.

Cinda was not so quick to respond. For a long time, I wondered if she ever would. It's not that she didn't believe what Nick, Heidi, and I believed; she did. It's not that she had reservations about the Bible, Jesus, or living as a Christ-follower. She was fine with all that. She saw the changes God was bringing about in Nick, and she liked that--she liked it a lot!--and she wanted God to do the same for her.

Cinda's problem--her roadblock--was this image of God the Father.

This week I've been writing about this irresistible image of God stooping down to listen to his children (Psalm 116:2). (See previous posts in this series: #1, #2, #3.) Our God, the Creator of the universe, the all-powerful, all-knowing King, is also our Daddy--a Daddy who bends down to look each of us in the eyes and listen attentively to us.

Cinda could neither understand nor accept this picture of God. Her earthly father abused her and her sisters. I'll hold back on the lurid details.

I hurt for Cinda. I prayed that God would replace her image of him-- an image her dad had twisted--with the truth. We read the Bible together, passages like Jesus' parable of the lost son (Luke 15:11-32). Heidi, who had more in common with Cinda that I, talked and prayed with her. Finally, we backed off; we didn't want to be in the way of the Holy Spirit working in Cinda's life. A year went by, and one day Cinda announced that she was ready to accept Jesus.

God had not given up on her. He kept reaching out to her, bending down to her, wooing her, until she could see him as he is. She fell into his embrace.

The Bible paints a captivating picture of a Daddy who lovingly bends down to our level so he can place his strong yet tender hands on our shoulders, look us in the eyes, and listen to us. If you are like Cinda, perhaps this picture is difficult for you to understand or accept, because someone has contorted what a Daddy is supposed to be like. Those Daddy's hands look strong, but not at all tender to you. Those Daddy's eyes look not with compassion, but cruelty  I pray for you if that's your case. I pray God will do in your life what only he can do, and that you'll see what Cinda now sees in her heavenly Daddy.

I see this picture in my mind of God stooping down to my level to listen to me! I can't get over that image,  and I don't want to. That's the same image I want my own children to have of me. A daddy who bends down and listens. A very imperfect model of what our Heavenly Daddy is like.

How to Add More Candles to Your Cake (So You Can Become More Childlike)

It takes maturity to have childlike faith.

This is a vital principle for the Christ follower. It's fundamental for a Christian leader. It's basic for discipling someone. This is Part 3 of a series in which I'm exploring one Bible verse: "[God] bends down and listens" (Psalm 116:2). (Read Part 1 and Part 2.)

I defined childlike faith as "complete trust in our Daddy, even when it does not make logical sense in the mind of a wise and clever grown-up." That "wise and clever" verbiage comes from the words of Jesus in Matthew 11:25-26, in which he thanked the Father for "hiding the truth from those who think themselves so wise and clever, and for revealing it to the childlike." Truth is hidden from these people because of their own self-righteous attitudes. When you and I grow out of our adolescent mind-sets and become mature, then, and only then, can we become childlike in our faith. Then God, rather than ourselves, becomes sufficient. 

But here's the rub. Some people, perhaps many people from my observation, are still adolescents when it comes to their faith. Years as a Christ-follower have nothing to do with it. Trust and surrender are the keys.

What keeps people from trusting God rather than themselves? Many things. One that I've observed comes from a mistrust of important authority figures in our lives. How can we have complete trust in our Daddy, even when it does not make logical sense, when our trust has been shaken or shattered by a less-than-perfect human mom- or dad-figure in our lives? I want to be very clear. We must be discerning in our human relationships. When we have experienced manipulation and abuse especially from a parent, chances are we will need help to overcome this. We may need to put up some boundaries. We need to do some work in our lives to put more candles on our birthday cake, as one counselor friend puts it. And we need our Heavenly Daddy to help us do all this! But how? How do we make the leap of trust? 

By acknowledging the truth: God is trustworthy. He never fails. He never gives up. He never leaves or forsakes us. He is worthy of our trust even when our human models fail us. 

I want to encourage you as you read this today. Trust your Daddy--your Heavenly Father, that is--audaciously, unreservedly, unhesitatingly. You are not so wise and clever to figure this out for yourself, so surrender that to him. You need him to add more candles to your cake so you can become more childlike. 

I'd love your feedback on this. Have you experienced this battle for trusting God? How so? 

What Our Daddy's Stooping Down to Us Requires from Us

God is a Daddy who lovingly stoops down to us, and that requires something of us. Yesterday, I blogged about this irresistible image of our almighty God bending down to look us in the eyes and listen to us (Psalm 116:2). Our Father does not expect us to do the impossible--to climb our way up to him; the unholy to strive to the holy, the weak to struggle up to the all-powerful. So he comes down to our level, a Daddy stooping down to a little child--his child.

Does that sound like a paradox? How can it be that God does not expect us to work our way to earn his love, and yet his stooping does require something of us? It's simple:

God's stooping down to his children requires us to be his children.

Look at what God says about this:

• "The Lord protects those of childlike faith" (Psalm 116:6). 
• "But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God" (John 1:12). 
• "Jesus said, 'Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these'" (Matthew 19:14).
• "Then Jesus prayed this prayer: 'O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding the truth from those who think themselves so wise and clever, and for revealing it to the childlike. Yes, Father, it pleased you to do it this way!'" (Matthew 11:25-26). 

What is "childlike faith"? It is complete trust in our Daddy, even when it does not make logical sense in the mind of a wise and clever grown-up!

When our kids were small they had this kind of faith in me and Heidi. As they grew into adolescents, they began to question us more and trust us less. Now that they are teens and young adults, we want them to grow up, but sometimes we just need them to return to that childlike faith in us, to trust us. That takes maturity.

Did you catch that? It takes maturity to have childlike faith.

Childlike faith takes surrender of my own ideas of self-sufficiency and wisdom. More than anything else, it takes humility. I'll talk more about this tomorrow!

My God, help me to humbly surrender myself to you today. You are my Daddy! I simply want to do what you tell me to do. Nothing more and nothing less. You know better than I do! 

A Daddy Who Stoops Down

A dad stops what he is doing to bend down and really listen to his child. It's not that the dad doesn't have other things on his mind; he certainly does. This dad is making a statement: My child is important. I may have the positional power and persuasion of a parent, but I will stoop down to my child's level because I love this kid. I want to look into my child's eyes and really listen.

This is a picture of our heavenly Daddy.

Because he bends down and listens, I will pray as long as I have breath! (Psalm 116:2, New Living Translation)

He loves us so much that he makes us his priority. He bends down. He cares. He listens. He acts.

I love this imagery, this personification of God. He is the Creator of the Universe, all-powerful, all-knowing, the Alpha and the Omega, and he bends down to look his precious child in the eyes and listen attentively. (The New International Version translates the phrase as "he turned his ear to me," which is not nearly as picturesque; the Revised Standard Version and others translate it as "he inclined his ear to me," which pictures God bending over to listen, either because he cares enough for me to do so or because my voice is so weak that he must -- or both!)

This is exactly what the Father did when he sent Jesus down to us. He humbly stooped down to our level so he could look us in the eyes and feel our pain. He stooped down to wash his follower's feet. He stooped down to serve us, especially in the ultimate act of service and self-sacrifice when he took on our sins as if they were his own and died on the cross so we could be forgiven.

God the Father stoops down to us. We don't--we can't--reach up to him by our own wisdom and work. I'll come back to this thought tomorrow ... because God's stooping down to us requires something from us, and it's not working harder or trying to measure up. It's something so easy and yet it's something so many of us have so much trouble doing.

For today, just pray, knowing that your Daddy is stooping down to you. He's listening.

Pay Attention to the Obstacles in Your Life

God is constantly removing obstacles from our path or placing obstacles in our way. Both reveal his compassion and power in our lives. 

Psalm 114 describes in beautiful poetic imagery God's power on Israel's behalf as they came out of Egypt on a journey to the Promised Land. This psalm shows Almighty God clearing the way for his people, removing the obstacles in their way, providing for their needs. The earth literally responded to his commands so that his  purposes for his people could take place his way.

It's not mentioned in this psalm but it's worth noting that God also put obstacles (forty-years worth) in the way of the Israelites to teach them and bring about his ultimate purposes in his ways.

He still does the same today. When we trust him and walk in his ways, keeping in step with the Spirit, living with a your-will-be-done attitude, we can be assured that he is out in front of us, clearing the way. But when we are off the path he has marked for us, going our own way, pushing our own agenda, he will lovingly place obstacles in our way to deter us from going that way.

Here's an approach to assessing your walk with God. As you go, as you pray, does it seem that he is clearing the way for you? Perhaps that means you are on the right path, his path. This is the framework of Romans 8:28; God is indeed working for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose.

On the other hand, are you constantly running into barriers? Is your "Promised Land" becoming more and more of a distant, hazy, seemingly unreachable goal? Do you feel like you're wandering in circles, bumping into obstacles? Perhaps you are off his path. The most loving thing God does in our lives is not allow us to wander down a path that leads to destruction and death. Obstacles are often his warning signs to us: Danger ahead! Wrong way! Turn around! Yield to Me! 

(This does not mean all suffering in life is caused by God's discipline. On this planet, in this current age, troubles will come to those who are on God's path as well as those who are not. I am suggesting, however, that we should carefully, prayerfully evaluate the signs and obstacles along life's way, especially those that keep reoccurring.)

The first step in the right direction is this: I want your will, Father, not mine (Luke 22:42).

What do you think? 

"Why Small Groups Matter to Me": My Story

I'm kind of known for being passionate about small groups. While it's not really small groups themselves that I'm passionate about, but rather for how God uses the authentic community that occurs in healthy groups to transform lives, people sometimes ask why I'm so big on small groups. Here's my story, written for SmallGroups.com.

When I was a new Christian, I started searching for a church. After three months of searching on my own, I finally decided to pray about it. I asked God to help me find a church like the one in the Book of Acts, which I had just started reading, a church where I could make friends and grow in my new faith. I lived by myself in a one-bedroom apartment and had no family in the area. My only acquaintances were people I worked with, most of whom were not Christians. The next day I came home from work and got a strange call. It was a wrong number—misdialed by one number. Before I could hang up, though, the lady on the other end asked me if she could tell me a little about her church. READ THE REST AT SMALLGROUPS.COM

Why are YOU big on small groups? I'd love to hear your story as well!

Leading with Grace: How We Deal with Depression, Anxiety, and Suffering (especially when the suffering is inflicted by fellow Christians)

People are talking about mental illness, depression, and anxiety right now, and that's a good thing. Recently, Carlos Whittaker wrote a thoughtful blog post, "My Panic Attacks, My Mental Illness, And The Church’s Dirty Little Secret," which, at the time of this writing, has received 181 comments.

Unfortunately, people simply don't understand mental struggles like depression and panic attacks unless they or someone in their family experience them. Each one of us in my family deal with depression, anxiety, or both. I'm no expert, but I believe this is hereditary. Both my wife's parents have dealt with these issues. My mom would never have admitted to having depression or anxiety, but I clearly remember her taking her "nerve pills." Several of my cousins on my dad's side of the family have also suffered. 

I believe leaders in our churches need to better understand and learn how to more effectively deal with mental illnesses, including depression and anxiety. "Just get over it" does not help. "Maybe you just need to pray more" and "If you just had more faith ..." are not real answers. My family has heard these and other religious cliches that reveal a lack of both understanding and empathy.

Jesus, on the other hand, treated people with compassion. Others, including Jesus' followers, often did not understand people's physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual brokenness, which led them to push these people to the fringes of society. Jesus stood out by touching--physically and emotionally--these people, listening to them, caring about them, and bringing wholeness.

How do you treat people in your group who deal with mental or emotional disorders? Do you treat them differently than those who have physical disease? When people tell me to "just get over" my Type-1 diabetes, which I've had for more than 40 years, or when they give me the latest cure-all (eat cinnamon!), or when they tell me that if I just had more faith, I'd be cured of my diabetes (see what Jesus said about that in John 9:1-3), I realize they are simply ignorant.

Perhaps my attitude needs to change as much as theirs. Those of us who suffer from any number of afflictions, including the suffering that comes from others' words, get to practice grace. We get to be like Jesus, and simply forgive them, since they really don't know what they're doing. We get the opportunity to love unconditionally, even when our brothers and sisters in Christ act like complete idiots. And that's what living in authentic community within the Kingdom of God is all about.

OTHER POSTS RELATED TO DEALING WITH DIFFICULTIES IN A SMALL GROUP
How to Deal with the Person NO ONE Wants in their Group

Dilbert on Dealing with Challenging People in Your Group

Special Needs in Small Groups